Tennessee Rue was welcomed into our family in a blur of labor on August 31, 2018. And then we were a family of four.
She was a planned sibling but man, we really didn't know what we were getting into. The first few days were bliss, I rested, nursed and held my new bundle of joy. Soren was the sweetest of big brothers, doting on his sister with constant kisses and gentle rubs. From the moment we brought her home he was completely smitten"Tyoot hands, tyoot feet," and "hiii baby sister!" were regularly heard coming out of his mouth, in the sweetest high-pitched baby voice. We had plenty of visitors, who's help and food I did not turn down.
The first week was a whirlwind and very busy but then the business ended and things got dull. Being stuck in the house with a toddler is no easy task, even for the most seasoned of childcare providers. Being unable to walk far distances, or any distance at all, I was, and still am, pretty much housebound . So Jacob took Soren on walks or to the playground in the morning and afternoon and we spent the middle of the day and evenings inside. I still put Soren down for naps but was experiencing a lot of hitting and crying. I would leave the room feeling defeated and crying. The first time it happened I went downstairs and had a full-on sob session. I had spent so much time trying to make sure he still felt my love, giving him attention, letting him nurse when she did. And he just wanted to hit and kick me. It hurt my heart. Even though I knew that at 2-years old there was no rationale to his behavior, he wasn't intentionally trying to hurt my feelings.
My pregnancy was hard. Tennessee's creation was planned but I wasn't ready for the guilt that I would feel growing another human. On top of some pretty bad pelvic pain because of a weak pelvic floor as well as the constant dislocation of my hips I was treating my pregnancy as a countdown to the end of Soren and my relationship as we had known it. It was not a positive time. I wasn't depressed and I knew things would change but still be wonderful, or at least I was hoping. In the back of my mind I still feared that my son would never love me the same again. I was scared that this tiny baby growing inside of me would be like a jack hammer to our perfect, wonderful love. And now, his actions seemed to confirm what I had feared.
The more I thought about it, I realized that the naps were the only one-on-one time we were getting. Almost immediately I realized it was the time he
wanted to connect, and while he was chattering away for 30+ minutes trying to do exactly that, I was getting irritated and just wanted him to sleep. When he noticed my irritation, he would start to act out, (Ugh I hate that saying btw, "act out." He's just trying to express his emotions the only way he knows how) and start hitting and crying. The day after my realization I had a morning date with him (to Target, of course) and nap went swimmingly. Everyone suggested these dates to me, but I had no idea how crucial they would actually be, and from this early on. I figured that as long as he was getting exercise he would be just fine. But he needed me. He still needed his mama.
So now, somehow, I have to figure out how to have moments of time and space where the world revolves around just Soren and I. I will be a SAHM, or a WAHM, so I will have the whole day to figure it out, but it will be difficult some days. Some days I'll be tired and touched out (I mean, I already am), and some days I may just not want to spend one-on-one time with Soren. Some days I may not want to spend time with either of them. But that's motherhood right? We have these people (people now, not just one person for me!) who need us. Right now Tennessee needs me almost every hour, she needs me for nourishment and comfort and how could I ever say no to that? Soren needs me too though, he may not need me for all his nourishment or all his comfort but he needs me for a little bit of time each day. He needs my snuggles and kisses, he needs my presence and my conversation. My son needs his mama right now and I'm definitely not going to say no to that because one day, he won't.
Going from a family of 3 to a family of 4 is much different than I thought it would be. This certainly isn't going to be the last of this type of hurtle. We have a lot to figure out. We have naps to tackle, and outings. We have a schedule to create and perfect. We have breakfasts and lunches to figure out, and playdates and doctor's appointments. We also have books to read and snuggles to be had. I have so many worries about Soren, but really he is doing just fine. No matter how crazy or defiant he is being towards us, he will run right over to Tennessee and give her the gentlest touch and kiss, it really is incredible. She is a lucky, lucky girl. And that's why we wanted her, that's why we wanted another little person in our home. We wanted Soren to know the love of a sibling, we wanted him to have the comfort of a playmate that would never have to go home.
As for Tennessee, I have no concerns. Right now she is in perfect health, growing steadily, eating well and being loved beyond measure. Gaining a family member is a tremendous gift but man it is sure gonna be a crazy crazy ride from here on out!
Comment and tell me what your greatest challenge was when you added another baby to your family!
